i recently was taken to Topeka, Kansas on a weekend trip to visit family.  Never having been to Kansas, or any prairie state where the buffalo roam, and being geographically challenged to the point of it being an actual disability, i had NO idea where i was.

“Are we in Kansas now?” i ask as we deplane. (That’s an actual word! De-plane! So dumb!)

“No, we are in Missouri.” My somewhat distracted Beloved responds, trying to figure out where in the h-e-double-hockey-sticks is Baggage Claim.

“But didn’t we land in Kansas City?” i ask, somewhat confused (ok…really confused and thinking that instead of Baggage Claim, we should be looking for a plane to Kansas City.)

“Yes. Kansas City is both in Kansas and in Missouri.” He answers, grabbing my hand and heading decisively LEFT.

i ponder this for a moment. Sensing i am unable to make sense of this strange statement, He attempts to explain.

“You know what shape the state of Kansas is?” He asks, firmly holding my hand and pulling me down the terminal.

i know this!!!

“SQUARE!” i shout, in a voice worthy of a Wheel of Fortune game show contestant.

“Rectangle.” He calmly corrects. “You know the squiggle in the top right corner?”

“Yes.” i lie.

“Well, that’s the Missouri river. That’s where we are. It is the border between Missouri and Kansas. Kansas City straddles the river and is on both sides, hence, it is in two states.”

i didn’t answer for a bit, because i may or may not have slipped into a coma there for a second. When i came to, i had the irresistible desire to eat BBQ.

“So, it’s cold. And we aren’t near Canada?”

Beloved sighs, shakes His head and continues on towards the retrieval of our bags and subsequent rental car.

BBQ is SO in my immediate future.